I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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