You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
