Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
