I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
