Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
