are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
