No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
