I heard we made out
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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