So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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