I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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