btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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