foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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