The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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