You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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