this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
