i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
