please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
