FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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