OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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