And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
