I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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