too bad you live with your parents still
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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