I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No subtext here. People are naked.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The adults are the big ones right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
