Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
