You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
