Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
