I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
