I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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