No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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