So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
