So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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