You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
