just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
