During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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