oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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