Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
