Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't turn off my feet"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
