This is not my ceiling
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He felt like a one man threesome
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
