why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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