So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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