So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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