Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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