I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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