You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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