You work out of a Hotel?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
