I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
