I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize