Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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