1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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