Its about making memories worth repressing
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
