Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
