i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
