whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
