I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
