we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
