youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
