I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
