I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
