My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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