your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
