Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize