I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
