??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
and you fell through a lawn chair
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
