this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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