try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize