so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
