I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
