Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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