So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
