if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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