I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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