just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
