new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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