Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
