We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
