so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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